Circumstance

Such great circumstance

"God rarely changes circumstance. He uses circumstance to change person."

This quote from church has me thinking hard this afternoon.  It makes me laugh to think about how I named this blog years ago "He Never Changes" partly after the "never change" sign-off when leaving friends and partly because He doesn't.  I have come to find out the latter is the real reason...  I really thought I was just being punny.  I haven't written on this blog in two years except for recently.  It is crazy how much circumstance has changed me as a person over the past two years.  The people I have been surrounded by in Memphis (co-workers, TFA friends, roommates, etc) have imparted impressions upon me.  These people, my job, my rockstar students (who teach me more infinitely more than I teach them): circumstance.  I never thought so much would change about me.  I mean I am about to begin my 3rd year as a teacher.  And as a high school teacher at that.  What?  He still loves me the same.  He is constant when so many things in this life are fleeting.  There is nothing better to be reminded of in seasons of doubt.

A lot of times we pray so hard for a change in our circumstances.  This is our selfish desire to be more comfortable. For me this is finding the right person to marry, being a chemistry content master (even more so than fictitious meth-cooking Mr. White so I can blow up things), removing pain from loved ones lives, the list goes on.  I preach to my students that their unfortunate circumstances don't determine their futures.  What I learned this year from two of them who mean more to me than most is that these circumstances have meaning and purpose for their lives.  The wisdom they have from enduring these circumstances cannot be learned from a textbook, only from experience.  I sometimes get frustrated with not being able to fully relate because we haven't shared a lot of circumstance.  But the day our conversations turned a corner from differences in circumstances to learning from each other circumstances was awesome (in literal sense of the over-used word).  We must use what God has taught us through our circumstances to make decisions for our future.  Who knows what our circumstance will be tomorrow?  The good news is He never changes. 

My prayer today is to be content with the circumstance that I am in now.  Here's to not just believing He loves me so I can be saved, but believing I am loved and not questioning circumstance.

Reflections from Isla

It always seems like wherever and whenever you go to do mission work you come back with similar reflections along the lines of "they are so happy, yet have so little.  Why do I daily give into my flesh and act like a stereotypical American?" After spending a week in Isla Mujeres, Mexico doing dental work with my brother and an incredible group of amigos, I have the exact same reflections.  However, this time I can only ask myself what are going to be my next-steps of action based on this reflection (this is the TFA influence in me coming out!).  But for real.  To those you out there who are reading this (which I am sure is somewhere close to a zarillion), I am going to go ahead and answer a question before you ask me (if you haven't asked me already).  No, I am not going to dental school and no I do not want to be a dentist.  I would never hate on the profession.  In fact, I know that is the perfect job for my brother and others.  But somewhere in between watching many tears during extractions to trying to scrap thick calculus off old, stanky teeth, I regress from the profession that so many others want me to follow.  It hurts to admit it to others and to myself.  I do know that God has given me a heart to serve.  I pray daily that I will continue to serve others where my gifts are used best.  Right now, I am confident that this is teaching in Memphis.  As for the future, I am okay with being unsure.  Trying daily to be okay with living "certain of God, uncertain of the future.  Certain He will lead me."

After this week, I come back to the U.S. with varying fears: that the mass amounts of cockroaches in my house will begin to be able to bit like Mexican cockroaches, that I will once again forget how much I have (material and other), that this sting of diarrhea is actually some parasite eating away at my stomach, that in three years I will realize that I do actually want to be a dentist and will start dental school as an oldish person, that I will begin speaking broken Spanish to those who are unfamiliar, and mainly that I will not act upon the impressions that this week has left on me.  This leaves me with hoping to act with a joyful spirit and thankful heart like those who I encountered on the island.  From Irma who did whatever she could to help and serve in the clinic, to the family of 20 who lived in a small room that contained 4 inches of water after Debby that looked into the skies to thank the Lord above for receiving toothbrushes, stuffed animals, and other things we take for granted from us, to the kids who live in the poorest conditions who smile as the run towards the golf cart to ride with us, to the old woman who tried to hand pesos for her thanks for removing almost all of her teeth. As I return back to my comfortable life (which I try to make as uncomfortable as possible so I continue to be pushed and grow), I pray that I will be a similar example of this spirit to those around me.

Abre tu boca

I know that we have impacted so many lives and removed so much pain.  I know Lauten, my oldest brother, and other dentists have a special gift to serve in a unique way.  I know the people of Isla don't know they have impacted each of us.  It is for this reason that I hope to spend many more summers with my brother and others involved in the non-profit organization he has created (the Smile Foundation) in Isla.

Impacted by both the young and the old

Many smiles! Check out the Smile Foundation here

Why Teach

Statistics were the reason that I decided to teach in inner city Memphis; now I teach for Danielle, Kenan, Tierney, Terrence, and so many more. I have over 200 reasons to continue teaching, and that number will grow until every single student has access to the education they deserve.  I know that each one of my scholars is as capable of succeeding as those students who are statistically advantaged because of their zip codes.  How? I have seen it in their determination and drive, and I have seen their mindsets be transformed to ones of anticipation of success.  All it takes is someone who believes in them.  Someone who believes in them so much they will never give up. 

            The reality is stark.  In our state, there are students who are more than two years behind by the time they enter middle school.  According to statistics, their education will set only 1 in 10 children to graduate college. But I teach because my students give me hope.  They give me the realization that statistics do not determine futures; only individuals do.  Jeremiah gave me hope when he began to not use his unfortunate childhood as an excuse, but as a motivator.  Courtney gave me hope when she took the initiative to get out my projector to teach a lesson to a classroom full of girls when they had a few spare minutes.  All of them give me hope as they stare back at me a week before the TCAP, hanging on to every word of instruction to prove those who believe in statistics are wrong.  They are capable.  I am confident that my students will be successful.  Not because of me, but because of them.  Because of their hard work and determination.  All that has to be evoked in every student is that same hope.